


It's Perfectly Normal, Almost

by SideAnon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, Pesterlog, Puberty, Sex Education, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1778431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SideAnon/pseuds/SideAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Social isolation gives Jade some funny ideas. For lack of a better guide, Rose shares some notes about one of the more awkward parts of being a girl. Not that part, the other one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Perfectly Normal, Almost

**Author's Note:**

> A little idea I let rattle around for a while, and got talked into writing due to recent events.
> 
> Heavily inspired by works of CidGregor... Which I forgot were so long ago. Anyway, if you ever had a conversation like this, I hope you enjoy.

  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:13 --  


GG: rose are you there????  
GG: i think i'm in real trouble!  
GG: rose??  
GG: oh nooooo  
GG: ROOOOOOOSE!!!!!  
GG: i guess you're not there but please come back soon!!!  
GG: i don't know who else could help me here  
TT: Sorry for not responding immediately, I was just unwinding.  
TT: I've spent the day lending Mother my expert opinion on the arrangement of elaborately kitchy Santa figurines for the foyer. Against my will mind you.  
GG: oh geez  
TT: She's amassed quite a collection of fanciful bearded men.  
TT: Separating the more magically-aspected depictions from the wintry-themed secular wizards turned into a minor symposium on the nature of Christmas Miracles.  
GG: wow that sounds... exhausting?  
GG: not to be a bitch but i kinda need your advice rose  
GG: like, right now  
TT: I surmised.  
TT: Seeing you neglect emoticons is a clear alarm bell.  
GG: haha yeah ._.  
TT: I've clearly overplayed the nonchallant introduction.  
TT: Enough screwing around, what's the emergency Jade?  
GG: ummmmm  
GG: i hadn't really thought about how to ask...  
GG: it's pretty embarassing actually  
GG: sorry, i gotta think of how to put this  
TT: Jade Harley tongue tied? Now I've seen everything.  
TT: Shall I summon the boys for a group therapy session? Or perhaps an internet strike mission on some deserving asshat?  
GG: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
GG: pleeeeaaase don't tell john and dave!!!!!!  
TT: Point taken.  
TT: I'll assume whatever disaster you feel my advice could help with should stay between us?  
GG: promise you won't tell anyone right?  
GG: ESPECIALLY not them!!  
TT: Absolute doctor-patient confidentiality.  
GG: rose  
TT: Sorry. Not the time for jokes.  
TT: Although I must say,  
TT: So far I know this is a personally embarassing problem only I could assist with, and you're clearly terrified for our best male friends to hear of it.  
GG: rose!!  
TT: Just that most of the possibilities have winnowed away.  
TT: If you can't get it out on your own, then I can only make dangerous assumptions.  
GG: sorry!  
GG: it's a big deal okay?  
TT: Strategically leading questions then.  
GG: oh man  
TT: Nothing life threatening is it?  
GG: no...  
GG: at least i don't think so  
TT: Not the certainy that question warrants.  
GG: well, uh  
TT: Yes?  
TT: I can't help if you don't tell me anything.  
GG: i know i know!!!  
GG: i mean, i panicked because of the blood  
GG: but it's not a lot, so i don't think i'm gonna die or anything  
TT: Blood? Now we're getting somewhere.  
TT: Hellmurder Island has surely left you accustomed enough to ordinary injury that you wouldn't need anyone's advice.  
GG: yeah this is... different >_>  
TT: Minor bleeding plus mortifaction plus my notably feminine perspective equals exactly two possibilities.  
TT: Jade, this is a sexual problem, isn't it?  
GG: gaaaaaaaah  
GG: X(  
GG: yes  
TT: Then the first thing you must understand is that I will do my best to help you,  
TT: Even though this is a subject in which I can't quite pretend to be as much an expert as I usually do.  
GG: i wasn't expecting you to be  
GG: i mean, not like that!  
GG: except that, um  
TT: Say no more.  
TT: Because the second thing you must understand is that, if either of the possibilities I'm assuming is correct, there is nothing to worry about.  
TT: Of course if I'm totally off base then there might be trouble, but I think I've got this one pegged.  
GG: gosh, i feel so much better :/  
TT: That's a remote chance, trust me.  
GG: don't worry i do  
GG: really, i do, sorry i'm being snippy  
TT: Don't be. I'm sorry if it didn't sound like I was taking you seriously.  
TT: Because I am, and again, everything should be alright.  
GG: that's great to hear and all  
GG: but  
TT: Right, let's get the obvious idea out of the way.  
TT: And I'll admit to a certain trepidation in discussing the matter, since I've never talked about this with someone personally familiar.  
GG: rose lalonde tongue tied? now I'VE seen everything :P  
TT: Stick that back in your mouth where it belongs.  
TT: I suppose the first thing to ask is did this bleeding start all on its own?  
GG: i know where you're going with this  
GG: at least i'm pretty sure i do  
GG: and i know it's not that!  
TT: Okay, we need to stop talking in circles around each other before this becomes a Victorian farce.  
TT: This conversation never leaves us of course.  
GG: no worries there!  
TT: Right. So we're talking about periods.  
GG: yes  
GG: that's what we're talking about  
GG: those things, which is really one repeating thing but whatever  
GG: yeah i'm sure that's not it  
TT: How sure?  
GG: pretty damn sure rose! DX  
TT: I'm only saying, it seems like an event that'd be easy to mistake until it actually happens.  
GG: well it has actually happened a couple times, so this isn't it!  
TT: What, really?  
GG: ...yes?  
GG: is that weird?  
TT: In all honesty, I wouldn't know.  
GG: you mean it hasn't started for you?  
TT: No.  
GG: oh!!  
GG: ummmm..... sorry? i think?  
TT: Not that it's a competition.  
GG: what a horrible prize right  
TT: Indeed. I'm just a little surprised.  
TT: We're only a day or two apart in age so...  
TT: I don't know. I would expect we'd be a bit more concurrent?  
GG: who knows? guess i'm just that lucky :B  
GG: bluh  
TT: I also would expect to have heard about it by now.  
GG: it's a little hard to bring up >.>  
GG: like oh by the way rose i thought i was peeing blood but it turns out i'm functionally mature now! yay!  
TT: I didn't mean it like that.  
TT: But it is a similiar situation.  
TT: The fact that you came to me for this emergency all afluster confirms I'm the most knowledgeable female presence in your life.  
TT: Which has its own pitfalls, e.g. periods.  
GG: what's wrong with asking you about this?  
TT: Again, we're only a day or two apart in age.  
GG: yeah but you're a genius rose :o  
TT: Flattery will get you everywhere but it makes me no better experienced.  
TT: If you don't mind me asking, was anyone else available to talk you through that?  
GG: yeah... kinda  
TT: Oh! I completely neglected your grandfather.  
TT: Although if that was the case then you have my condolences.  
GG: uh, yes and no  
GG: he was planning ahead and bought some books  
GG: "raising daughters for single fathers" and "the loveliness of woman" and stuff like that  
GG: i found them a while ago so it didn't surprise me when it happened  
TT: He deserves credit for the consideration at least.  
TT: But you haven't talked about it?  
GG: uhhhhhh no!  
GG: he probably knows by now, he's been around the block a few times  
GG: he's proud of me when i take care of myself!  
GG: and he can get... overbearing when i ask for help >_<  
TT: At least you were moderately informed first. Far more than can be said for many of the older girls I've questioned.  
GG: seriously? all i had was a gross book and that counts as informed?  
TT: Indeed. In this enlighted part of the world, the very nature of female biology is such a nervously guarded secret even actual school texts describe it in terms so bland as to be opaque.  
GG: maybe single dads need better explanations or something  
TT: Or you were just lucky, judging by the forums I've secreted.  
TT: I was amazed how many girls even with actual parents get well into fourteen expecting cupfulls of blue water like in the commercials,  
TT: Wondering what went wrong in their bodies but too afraid to ask anyone.  
GG: nice to know i'm not as out of touch as i thought!  
TT: Still, nothing but a book and stern grandfatherly approval to guide your passage into womanhood and so forth...  
GG: i don't know why it's supposed to be a big deal  
GG: so i feel kinda nauseous and jumpy for a few days and have to change my underwear a lot  
GG: and bec won't keep his nose out of my business until i bop him one :I  
GG: not exactly life changing  
TT: Even knowing it is literally life changing?  
GG: not like i can do anything about it!  
GG: so why let it bother me?  
TT: An uncommonly prosaic attitude. Consider me reassured.  
GG: happy to help :)  
TT: Speaking of which, whatever became of that bleeding?  
TT: Segue of the year right there.  
GG: oh!!! it stopped!  
GG: a while ago i guess  
GG: wow, i stopped paying attention for a minute there  
TT: If you were distracted by a good ramble, then it could only be so serious.  
GG: just having something else to think about was kinda calming, thanks for that  
GG: i shouldn't have freaked out on you '>_>  
TT: Freaking out over blood is nothing to apologize for.  
GG: yeah... as soon as i noticed i  
GG: i didn't want to touch it or anything so i didn't look too close  
GG: looks like it was only a few drops too, whew  
TT: How very informative. I take it you're alone?  
GG: heh heh yeah  
GG: bec never showed up so i guess i didn't yell as loud as i thought  
TT: The situation has become quite clear.  
TT: If the bleeding wasn't spontaneous,  
TT: How best to put this...  
GG: uh  
TT: If it wasn't spontaneous that means you were doing something at the time.  
TT: Were you Jade?  
GG: .......  
GG: i was  
GG: doing some things, yes  
TT: What were you doing Jade?  
GG: laying in bed?  
GG: mostly  
TT: There's not many strenuous activities to do in bed Jade.  
GG: stop talking like that! it's creeping me out DX  
GG: i didn't ask you to go full on psychiatrist!  
TT: I don't want to put words in your mouth.  
TT: I know it's embarassing but you have nothing to be ashamed of with me.  
TT: We've already come this far, shall I say it for you anyway?  
GG: no, i can say it  
GG: i was masturbating  
GG: there you happy?  
TT: I'd rather see you mad at me than questioning yourself.  
GG: well you're not supposed to admit it!  
TT: Wrong. You're not supposed to talk about it in polite company.  
TT: You should never be afraid to "admit" it, at least to someone you're familiar enough to talk to, and especially if you thought there was a serious problem.  
GG: okay okay i get it!  
GG: we don't need to make a heartfelt moment out of talking about rubbing myself off XP  
TT: Surely not for the first time.  
GG: oh come on!!  
TT: I'd be genuinely shocked if you made it past your thirteenth birthday without once daring to touch yourself well enough to see what would happen.  
TT: I sure didn't.  
GG: i know what you mean...  
GG: but it sounds really pervy to say it  
TT: You want my help, you get it, come what may.  
TT: Which brings us back to the blood.  
GG: uh huh ._.  
TT: This time was different from ones before it, right?  
GG: yeah i did something... new  
TT: ...?  
GG: i don't even know how to say it without sounding like an idiot  
GG: or some stupid slang i don't know about  
GG: look  
GG: i put something inside myself  
GG: the way i THOUGHT you were supposed to  
TT: You can exhale now, the worst is over.  
GG: >:P  
GG: did i do something wrong or what?  
TT: Not at all, it's exactly what I expected.  
GG: ...okay?  
GG: so how is that expected???  
TT: Without getting overly clinical, the vagina has some complicated features. There's a vestigial membrane of skin around the inner opening,  
TT: It's called a "hymen", in case you ever need to know that,  
TT: Which for most women tears aside the first time a substantial penetration comes along.  
TT: And tearing a piece of skin has about the reaction you'd expect, although it's really less violent than breaking a blister.  
GG: what the hell is THAT for??  
TT: Being neither an anatomologist or a Creation theorist I can't fathom a guess.  
TT: But to answer your question, it is supposed to be there and it is supposed to be unpleasant.  
GG: holy crap  
GG: that's not going to happen every time is it? D: D: D:  
TT: I doubt the species would survive such a cost.  
TT: Once is common, more than once is probably unheard of.  
TT: It definitely hasn't been a recurring problem for me.  
GG: ...is it bad that i'm not really surprised to hear that?  
TT: What? My admittance that I'm familiar with penetration?  
TT: You did come to me for advice after all. ;)  
GG: i didn't want to imply that  
GG: that... you're totally cool with stuff like this  
TT: It's bad enough that you're embarassed, you don't need to be embarassed on my behalf.  
TT: There's nothing unusual about what either of us have done. We're both inquisitive and pubescent.  
TT: Anyone who tells you we shouldn't be curious about the physical realities of sex is either a hypocrite or a woefully sheltered prude.  
GG: i know you're right but  
GG: maybe i'm trying too hard to be "normal" or something  
GG: i'll try not to worry about it, if you think it's fine  
TT: I'll try to be satisfied as long as I know you're relieved.  
TT: We've covered the important medical bases.  
TT: All things considered, I doubt you're interested in a history lesson on the borderline-mythological importance of the hymen in relation to social status and courtship.  
GG: that sounds.... interesting but......  
GG: maybe another time?? :)  
TT: You've heard me declaim upon superstitious cultural remnants in modern society before, you're not missing out.  
GG: i don't think that'd do much for me right now  
GG: still hurts a little by the way, how long does that last??  
TT: I'm sure it's different for everyone, but again it won't be a lasting problem.  
TT: Though I don't suppose you're inclined to fight through the pain.  
GG: that was one heck of a mood killer 8|  
GG: makes me think i overdid it  
TT: Overdid it? What are you using?  
GG: errrrrrr  
GG: do you really want to know that?  
TT: The operative question is whether you really want to tell me.  
GG: its just gross asking you if i had the right idea with this  
TT: That wall is proving stubborn to bring down.  
TT: Yet I have been a bit more demanding of information than I have a right to.  
TT: If it helps you feel better about all this, how about we trade?  
TT: My awkward revelations for yours.  
TT: As long as you understand you're not alone in this.  
GG: you know what, that doesn't sound bad  
GG: not that i'm dying of curiosity!!!  
GG: but i appreciate it  
GG: at least you actually know what you're doing  
GG: heh  
GG: it sounds like i'm insulting you if i say you know more about masturbating than me  
TT: I think we've proven that knowing almost anything would make me more knowledgable than you on this.  
GG: :P :P :P  
TT: Exactly.  
GG: well what did you use?  
GG: y'know, the first time  
TT: About a year ago, I was hunting around the bathroom for some unrelated reason, when I found an object that fired my imagination.  
GG: electric toothbrush?  
GG: i thought about that too  
TT: Intriguing! But no.  
TT: An object far more intentional for this context.  
GG: wait  
GG: are you talking about what i think you are???  
TT: Are we going down that road again?  
GG: oh please excuse me!! :/  
GG: you found a sex toy???  
TT: Precisely.  
GG: why are there random sex toys laying around in your bathroom?!?!  
TT: Remember, I share a household with a mature, cloistered, single woman who frequently misplaces herself, let alone her knicknacks.  
GG: D:  
GG: ew eww ewwwww  
TT: One side of my mind reacted that way. Would that the other side followed.  
TT: Instead I was in just the wrong mood to make such a discovery, and that side thought I found a perfect opportunity.  
TT: You can infer who won.  
GG: oh geez  
GG: i can't say i wouldn't be curious but... D:  
TT: Logically speaking it's not that strange compared to other adolescent tangents, but the... familial aspect does cast a pall over the idea.  
TT: The gravity caught up with me after the excitement of spriting away wore off.  
TT: Especially when I realized I could never let her find out.  
GG: did she?  
TT: Not explicitly. She'd clearly misplaced the toy, but I'm sure she looked for it eventually.  
TT: I panicked in shame like a child and hid it for myself when it was too late to sneak it back.  
TT: Rubber penises don't get up and walk away, so she must have deduced what happened.  
GG: but she never said anything?  
TT: Surprisingly enough, no.  
GG: huh, you always make it sound like she goes out of her way to embarass you  
GG: maybe that'd be too far even for her?  
TT: I've noticed a slight change in her attitude after that. Like we're both in on some cute secret, part of my inexorable approach to maturity.  
TT: Perhaps even a twinge of sorrow that her little girl is growing up.  
TT: I suppose she's shown admirable tact for not confronting me about it as I'd expected her to.  
TT: Although if I thanked her without a more apparent reason, she'd have to take that as an admission or even an invitation to discuss the matter.  
TT: And who knows what dark gates would creek open then.  
GG: you might be overthinking this.....  
TT: As if I have a choice.  
GG: whatever you say rose  
GG: so what was that like? doing it the... professional way, i guess  
TT: I won't lie, the first few times are straining since you're not accustomed to it.  
TT: Anxiety alone is enough to throw on the brakes, as it were, so don't be surprised if it's not exactly magical.  
GG: that explains a lot :(  
TT: But I don't think it does women's liberation any harm to note that we are designed for it.  
TT: Technically the outside is more sensitive, but suffice to say there's places no finger can reach.  
GG: that was kinda the point  
GG: not that i've tried anything... deep or whatever before  
TT: It's hard to describe with justice. All I can really say is that how much you enjoy it is heavily dependent on how much you want to enjoy it.  
TT: Obviously there was the "what the hell did I break" aspect, but I was lucky enough to expect that so I didn't let it stop me.  
GG: you kept going after that?!  
TT: With a breather. It was little more than discomforting and I'd never have a second chance to experience that raw acuteness.  
GG: yeah i'll pass  
TT: Your loss.  
GG: XP  
GG: but it was just uncomfortable?  
GG: now i'm worried again  
TT: You also owe me a description.  
TT: You were saying you "overdid it"?  
GG: right  
GG: when i finally decided to try it, i started looking around my house for what to use  
GG: because it had to be the right shape and size, and smooth and rigid and everything  
TT: And they call me clinical.  
GG: don't laugh, okay?  
GG: i'm not lucky enough to have sex toys laying around  
GG: so i... built one  
TT: Laugh? I'm impressed.  
TT: What did the industrious Jade Harley make for herself?  
GG: nothing fancy!!!!  
GG: i melded together a bunch of plastic parts  
GG: a flashlight and some other stuff  
GG: but it started hurting before i even noticed the blood  
GG: and it didn't really look like i expected it to going in  
TT: Hence the anxiety.  
TT: This might be the worst question I've ever asked but,  
TT: How big is it?  
GG: it's pretty long but i only got it a couple inches in!  
GG: and i sure wasn't going to use the whole thing!!  
TT: I'm more concerned about the diameter.  
GG: um, it tapers at the end  
GG: i should have measured it, hang on  
TT: Ominous.  
GG: 6.283 into 22cm... two and a half inches across, maybe three at the widest?  
TT: Holy shit!  
GG: that's bad, right?  
GG: because it didn't feel good  
TT: Yes, that is what we professionals would term "bad".  
TT: Most grown women would balk at such a monster.  
GG: it did look risky when i was about to start, but  
GG: i think i didn't want to feel like a wimp for being afraid of a fake dick  
GG: especially after i made the stupid thing -_-  
GG: way to go harley!  
TT: I'll wager most of your impressions of sex come from the internet?  
GG: it's not like i have a lot of options you know!!!  
TT: I'm not chastising you.  
TT: Only noting the amount of realism to be found in any pornography, and anonymous claims of sexual capability.  
GG: you'd think i'd be smart enough to realise that  
GG: do gradation testing or something  
GG: i don't know why losing my virginity to a flashlight seemed like such a good idea at the time  
TT: The excitement of crossing a milestone convinced you to do something silly.  
TT: Welcome to being thirteen.  
TT: You think you're the only girl to accidentally brutalize herself in experimentation?  
GG: other people being dumb doesn't change what i did  
TT: Myself included?  
GG: heh yeah okay  
GG: i just let my imagination run away with me  
TT: Spoken like a true mad scientist.  
TT: Never hurts to dream big.  
GG: ....you're crafty rose :T  
TT: Come on, you know you want to.  
GG: aw what the heck  
GG: '^_^  
TT: That's what I like to see.  
TT: But really, where did you get the idea that you were built to accept an intrusion the size of a wine bottle?  
GG: around??? :X  
GG: furaffinity, e621, a couple other places...  
TT: Drawn depictions of amature sexual fantasy. Mystery solved.  
TT: I hate to be the bearer of bad news Jade, but most human men's penises are considerably smaller than their forearms.  
GG: i know that!!!!  
TT: ...  
TT: ... ...  
GG: fine, i sorta knew that  
GG: sorry i haven't looked at as many real guys' dongs as you rose!  
TT: Forewarned is forearmed.  
TT: Or not, in this case.  
GG: boooooooo XP  
TT: I couldn't resist.  
TT: I never thought I'd say this, but before you attempt any more personal adventures,  
TT: You would do well to avail yourself of some real people engaging in real sex.  
TT: Or at least photogenic real sex, involving people with real bone structures and mostly natural bodily proportions.  
GG: sure i'll get right on it :|  
GG: so what about you?  
TT: ...What about me?  
GG: you just got all those answers out of me  
GG: what did rose lalonde have in mind the first time she wanted to feel what it was like???  
TT: I don't see how that's imporant.  
GG: bullcrap!! you promised to embarass yourself too!  
GG: you're not getting out of this without telling me about  
GG: your proclivities!  
TT: My conceptual road to artificial penetration you mean?  
TT: I did offer to reciprocate, and you dropped "proclivities" on me.  
TT: Oh why not.  
GG: >:B  
GG: i bet it's the Tentacle thing isn't it?  
TT: I take it Dave's mentioned his theories?  
GG: once or twice, but...  
GG: i figured that one out myself  
TT: Did you now?  
GG: you do drop some big hints y'know  
GG: like the chumhandle :P  
GG: i never understood where that idea came from but i do know about it  
TT: "It" started long ago in a distant land as a reaction to some laughably narrow prohibitions on sexual artwork, since taken on a life of their own in more ways than one.  
TT: But that interest didn't come along until later, after I had a physical frame of reference.  
TT: Are you familiar with the name H. R. Giger?  
GG: nope!  
TT: I wouldn't think so.  
TT: Briefly, he's an artist charitably described as obsessed with nightmarish depictions of genitalia, especially penises.  
TT: Sort of the dark counterpart to Georgia O'Keeffe, although I doubt that name rings a bell either.  
GG: no, what do they do?  
TT: Well, did.  
TT: Beautifully fanciful abstracts that bear a striking resemblence to vaginas.  
TT: Mother is something of a fan.  
GG: like you and the nightmare penis guy?  
GG: has anyone ever said that you and her have a lot in common?  
TT: That implies it needs to be said.  
TT: Anyway, I discovered Giger's artwork a few years ago, about the same time Dave and I were first comparing hobbies.  
TT: In the way of impressionable young minds, entirely separate concepts became entwined in my imagination.  
GG: what weirdo stuff were you talking about that had to do with sex?  
TT: His obsession with bugs and the bizarre processes bestowed upon them by nature.  
TT: The many ways arthropods reproduce fascinated both of us before we evolved enough to make fun of each other for being giant nerds.  
GG: creepy science!!!!  
GG: like praying mantis sex or what? :O  
TT: A type of bed bug common to New England, so incredibly small that the female doesn't have enough room on her body for a proper sexual opening.  
TT: To compensate, the male is equipped with a sharp phallus designed to fertilize her by stabbing straight into her organs, making its own hole.  
GG: ...that's really creepy alright  
GG: that's what you thought sex was going to be like?  
TT: Certainly not.  
TT: Well, mostly not. I strongly suggest you never search for the phrase 'uterine penetration'.  
GG: ok o_o  
TT: But knowledge of the animal kingdom's frequent brutality combined with my fascination for otherworldly sexual material left me with some...  
TT: Rationally indefensible hesitancy, when growing physical curiosity finally caught up to me.  
TT: To be perfectly honest, the very idea of sex disgusted me, especially based on what little I knew of real sex at that point.  
GG: are you still talking about the thing with the sex toy or just masturbating at all?  
TT: Of course I'd masturbated by that point. I don't think I even knew what I was doing the first time I did that.  
TT: But after I found that toy I hung onto it for a little while, pondering what actual penetration would mean vis a vis my avoidance of having anything to do with sex.  
TT: Eventually I decided to go for it and put my imagination to rest, knowing it'd be perfectly safe and probably enjoyable since I'd still be alone.  
GG: then the sting and blood right?  
TT: Startling but I did expect it. Expected worse honestly, based on how I'd learned of the hymen's existence.  
GG: let me guess, unrealistic porn?  
TT: Here is where I tip my hand and reveal my mystical sources of knowledge.  
TT: On the shallowly informative side, the issues of Cosmopolitan magazine Mother strategically drops around the house, in lieu of having a parental conversation with me.  
TT: While for the grossly demonstrative, especially for virgin penetrations, certain graphic novels of Japanese origin provided by a one Dave Strider.  
GG: euughh, he sent those to you too???  
TT: Probably far worse than he's directed your way, in our neverending battle of wills.  
TT: He believes himself protective of your fragile sensibilities.  
GG: i'll make that dork think fragile sensibilities >:)  
TT: The many present examples excluded?  
GG: ha ha yeah <_<  
GG: i'll just keep my mouth shut  
GG: but is that really what you were pretending? nightmare sworddick bugs???  
TT: Oh. Wait.  
TT: This whole time I assumed you meant what I was expecting from the experience physically.  
TT: Not what I might have... visualized during the act.  
GG: yeah! what were you thinking about?  
GG: rose?  
TT: Well, not bugs I can assure you.  
GG: rooooooooose  
GG: are you.... embarassed?  
TT: Hardly.  
TT: I didn't think we were openly swaping clueless carnal fantasies.  
GG: OMG you're embarassed!!!!  
GG: jade wins!!!!!  
TT: Don't get too pleased about it.  
GG: come on, everyone knows there's nothing wrong with using a little *imagination*  
GG: nobody's attracted to their hands!  
TT: I doubt I could adequately describe even to myself what sort of muddled visions pass by when I'm in momentarily desperate throes.  
TT: There's honestly not much to tell. I was too nervous and attentive that first time to have any specific scenario in mind.  
TT: It probably started with something vaguely monstrous because that's just the way my mind works, but it didn't take much effort to get myself off.  
GG: what about after that?? :?  
TT: Ah but this is a conversation about firsts, not regulars.  
GG: spoilsport!  
TT: My how you loosen up when you're on the hunt.  
TT: Nothing as vivid as sheathing the absurdly oversized sausage wielded by a well-toned wolf-man.  
GG: O_O  
GG: what are you talking about?!?!!??  
TT: Deny it, I dare you.  
GG: ...........  
TT: I double dog dare you.  
GG: alright that one was too far XD  
TT: And yet dead on the mark.  
TT: Careful what you ask for Harley.  
GG: i should know better than to expect revealing personal details from a mysterious woman like rose lalonde :P  
TT: ;P  
GG: haha  
GG: whew.. um.....  
GG: i'm not running away or anything but i did kinda have other stuff to do today  
TT: A likely story.  
GG: i left myself some time but, y'know  
TT: Ever dutiful. I think this exchange has run its course.  
GG: there's probably some secret tradeoff i still owe you  
GG: i guess i'll have to make that up another day...  
TT: Don't be silly, you know I won't hold that against you.  
TT: I'll take my payment in knowing Jade Harley is not entirely averse to pestering whilst naked, apparently.  
GG: oh noooooo, you figured me out!  
GG: try not to get too excited <3  
TT: Not quite to my tastes I feel.  
TT: But what a coincidence, John just came online.  
GG: you promised not to say anything!  
TT: I promised not to divulge details of a sanguine nature. ;)  
GG: OH NOOOOOO  
GG: ROOOOOSE!!!!!!  
TT: Just messing with you, your sudden interest in naturism is safe with me.  
TT: Jade?  
TT: Oh damn, I'm sorry Jade, you know I wouldn't betray you like that.  
TT: ...Jade?  
GG: betray me like what? huh??? :o ??  
GG: i was just gonna say hi!!! hi rose!  
TT: ...I mean I'd never tell anyone something embarassing about you?  
GG: hahaha what? i'm not embarassed!  
GG: gosh it sure is breezy today!!!  
GG: might be a strong eclipse soon  
TT: Ah I see now.  
TT: Well, have a nice nap Jade. Don't wander too far.  
GG: thanks rose, you too!!!!

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:54 --

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of Hans Giger.
> 
> (Giger / O'Keeffe is my OTP.)


End file.
